Firefighter Marriages

Firefighter Marriages

by Craig Duck – President/Missionary FCFInternational

We have seen when fires spiral out of control. Typically, not just one thing goes wrong on the fireground, but several events happen which cause the incident to get out of hand. Read any line of duty death report and you will find that several key problems occurred which led to the death of the firefighters. If any one of those issues was quickly addressed, the loss of the firefighters or the structure would not have occurred.

No firefighters that I know of sets out to intentionally burn down a building or hurt other firefighters. In fact, many train hard on how to prevent these tragedies from happening. 

Some firefighter marriages can be viewed similarly to those fires. None of us starts out in our marriage intending to have a divorce or an unhappy life. Yet many folks have become discouraged with their home life situation.

So how does this happen? How can we as firefighters be better prepared for the difficulties that we will encounter throughout our service as firefighters? What must we do to prevent a tragedy in our marriage?

In the Beginning

First, let’s begin with a look at how God views marriages. He is, after all, the designer and creator behind firefighter marriages.

Way back in the book of Genesis – remember it’s the first book of the Bible – God designed marriage as we know it today. Genesis 2:24 – “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” ESV

In fact, the Bible reminds us that; “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22 ESV). 

God also intended for our marriages to last for a lifetime. Don’t you remember standing before the pastor and saying something like – “till death do us part”? Matthew 19:6 – “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." NIV 

God not only desires for us to be married, but wants our marriage to thrive.

Thriving Marriages

Thriving marriages don’t just happen by accident. We all know the time and effort it takes to become a great firefighter. Similarly, great marriages take time and effort. 

The less time you put into your marriage the less likely it will succeed when difficulties arise, and they will. 

Many firefighters today are self-centered. Don’t worry, so too is the vast majority of people today. Our generation has quickly become the “me” generation. If there is nothing in it for me, I will not get involved.

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4) This verse applies to our spouses as well. 

If we want our marriage to thrive – and who doesn’t? – we need to learn what our spouses needs are. First, we need to be a good student of our spouse. Then we need to follow through and actually fulfill his/her needs. Can you imagine learning everything there is to know about firefighting and never applying it to an actual fire? No, that is a ridiculous thought. 

When was the last time you did something nice for your spouse for no apparent reason? You might be shocked at the response.

Firefighters can also have a thriving marriage when both of the spouses are working together in unity. You don’t freelance on the fireground without suffering consequences do you? So if you wouldn’t act on your own on the fireground why would you try and go it alone in your marriage? 

Philippians 2:2 – “Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.” ESV

Again, working together in unity takes time and effort. If you are not willing to put in the effort don’t expect you marriage to improve with age.

Here are some thoughts on how to improve your marriage:

• Communicate regularly
• Gentlemen – love your wife
• Women – respect your husband
• Be honest with each other
• Go on regular dates
• Share the load
• Attend a marriage seminar every now and then (check out our website for details on FCFInternational’s next conference)
• Read the Bible together
• Laugh often

Marriage is tough, especially in the fire service. Stress, long work hours, traumatic events, and mood swings can easily make our marriages fall apart. Firefighters need to learn how take the same energy that we expend on the fire service and apply it to our marriages. Then we will not only have a marriage that works, but is more pleasing to God.